What's going on

A break in a relationship. Are u doing all these just to forget me? Are u doing all these as u are hating me? I rly rly thought of all these, so much so that I rly can't take it anymore.

I love you & I miss you so much. I miss those times we spent tgt so happily and not a single quarrel occurred. I rly love 'em and miss it.... Lastly, I miss ur company.

I won't give up

I won't give up on us. Cause I rly love u and I've only set my eyes on u.. I don't know what rly is going on between us but.... I rly hope the dull days would be over soon.. Rly rly soon.. Cause I can't take it anymore.. Be it physically my body state, or mentally.

I've been skipping meals these days not to get attention... But I've got rly no appetite at all.. I just need u to reach out ur pair of hands and lift me up..

You

I go to slp thinking 'bout u.. But what 'bout u? Do u think of me?

Hopeless

如果我走了，你会不会留我，还是看着我走

Really feeling hopeless and down since ytd. Ya I know it all boils down to me not being hardworking enough. But I rly did put in effort for some subjects right? What did I score? Not that I'm complaining and whining. But I still can't get over it. Tears rly come rolling down non-stop. For even the slightest thought of it.

Another thing, I just need support for now. I can't handle this all on my own. Boyf scored rly well but all I can say is, congrats and all the best to him.. From the scene I seen him going up the stage, first though of mine, "u're not gna match him. Get away from him. Break it." Ya wtf am I thinking? Ikr. I held on for 2yrs plus and I'm here telling myself to break this relationship..... I'm just afraid for the worst to ever happen....

So what am I supposed to do now..?

Try hard, fail hard

I'm trying so hard to keep conversations alive. Trying so hard to plan for mini outings with u. Trying so hard to keep this relationship going. Trying so hard, so hard until I fell hard. What shld I do now? Kill myself to make people appreciate me for that 'lil bit more?

All I get are cold replies, cold cold replies and cold cold cold replies. What else? Cold treatment..

I prolly deserve it cause I did smth rly bad in my past life.

I wonder.

Sometimes I rly wonder a lot, wondering whether I'm important to you. Wonder whether I truly belong in your world or just a piece of shit left at the side. Wonder whether u rly treasure me. Wonder whether u truly love me...

Ya, I agree that I wonder a lot and I wonder too much. But, all this wonderings allowed the time pass-by rly fast. Especially during the night, before I sleep. Tearing and wiping them off, tearing and wiping them off. They're just a routine of mine. I just have to get used to it or get them outta my mind once and for all. But it ain't gna be easy.

Not just those basic wonderings I wonder at night. I even imagine. Imagine's a big word to use but it's the only word I can think of, to use. Ya, like the most recent one, imagining myself to diagnose with cancer and asking myself whether u wld call and ask whr am I.. Whether I'm okay and how's my day.. But even for now, when I'm physically okay, u wldn't call, even if I asked u to..

So, are those wonderings and imaginations gna take over me.... For life?